Stop waiting for others to change - become the main character of your life

23/06/2026

Written by Amy Orsini, Reiki Master Teacher, Sound Practitioner & Life Coach at Three Little Birds, Purley, London.

Have you ever found yourself having a full-blown internal TED Talk about what someone else should be doing differently?

They should help more.
They should understand.
They should communicate better.
They should stop being so annoying.
They should absolutely know how to make a decent cup of tea by now.

Sometimes, let's face it, you might be right.

Here’s the thing I keep coming back to: how much of our precious energy do we lose by focusing on what other people are doing, not doing, saying, thinking, avoiding, forgetting or getting completely wrong?

Too much, I think.

And I say that with love, because I do it too.

I can find myself noticing the things that haven’t been done, wondering why someone has acted a certain way, or replaying a situation in my head when really, it has very little to do with the life I actually want to be creating.

At some point, we have to bring it back.

Back to ourselves.
Back to our own choices.
Back to our own energy.
Back to the life we are here to live.

Because you are the main character of your own life.

Not a side character in someone else’s drama.
Not the unpaid manager of everyone else’s behaviour.
Not the person waiting in the wings until circumstances are finally perfect.

You.

You are the main character, the writer, the director, the producer, the editor, the camera person - the whole production team, quite frankly.

So the question is: what do you want your movie to be about?

Notice where your energy is going

One of the most powerful reminders is this: where focus goes, energy flows.

Whatever you keep giving your attention to receives your energy.

That doesn’t mean we ignore reality or pretend difficult things aren’t happening. It doesn’t mean we excuse poor behaviour or abandon our boundaries. Not at all.

There is a difference, though, between being aware of something and building a second home inside the frustration of it.

You can notice that something isn’t working.
You can make a decision.
You can set a boundary.
You can ask for support.
You can change your own behaviour.

But sitting in judgement, resentment or endless analysis usually leaves us drained rather than empowered.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what other people are doing. Especially on social media, where we’re constantly being shown little snippets that confirm our frustrations. Someone makes a reel about incompetent partners, difficult colleagues, annoying family members or people who simply do not pull their weight, and before we know it, we’re nodding along, sending it to a friend and mentally gathering evidence.

Funny? Sometimes.

Helpful? Not always.

Because what we focus on grows in our awareness.

So if we keep focusing on what’s missing, what’s irritating, what’s unfair and what other people should be doing differently, we give our energy away.

And your energy is precious.

You don’t need permission to change your life

Sometimes we wait for other people to come with us before we allow ourselves to move.

We wait for them to understand.
We wait for them to approve.
We wait for them to be ready.
We wait for them to change their behaviour so we can finally feel better.

But that’s backwards.

You don’t need everyone around you to be doing the thing you want to do.

You don’t need to stay in the same energy as the people around you just because that’s familiar.

You don’t need to be a “mediocre Mary” because everyone else is hanging around in mediocre Mary-land.

You are allowed to choose something different.

You are allowed to decide: this is who I am becoming now.

And you don’t have to drag anyone with you. You can simply lead. You can show them what it looks like. You can put your energy into becoming the version of you who feels clear, alive, excited, grounded and fully herself.

If they want to come along, lovely.

If they don’t, that’s their choice.

Your life is still yours.

Write the script for your own life

In episode 18 of The Three Little Birds Podcast, I shared a simple piece of homework: write your “best day ever”.

Not your most realistic day.
Not your most sensible day.
Not the day you think you’re allowed to want.

Your best day ever.

Take a pen and paper and write that at the top of the page:

My best day ever

Then start from the moment you open your eyes and write through to the moment you go to sleep.

Where are you?
How do you feel when you wake up?
What does your room look like?
What are you wearing?
What do you eat for breakfast?
Who are you with?
What work do you do?
How does your body feel?
What are your relationships like?
What does your home feel like?
What do you do for fun?
What do you drive, wear, create, experience, receive, give, enjoy?

Let yourself go there.

No editing.
No shrinking.
No “but how would that happen?”
No “who do I think I am?”

Just write it.

Ideally, write it in the first person and in the past tense, as if it has already happened.

“Yesterday I had the best day ever. I woke up feeling rested, peaceful and excited for the day…”

This is not about forcing life or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about giving your mind and body a new direction. It’s about letting yourself connect with desire again. It’s about remembering that you are allowed to want things.

Use your imagination for good

We use our imagination all the time.

Unfortunately, many of us use it to rehearse things we don’t want.

We imagine the awkward conversation.
The thing going wrong.
The person being annoyed with us.
The worst-case scenario.
The disaster that probably won’t happen, but now our body is responding as if it already has.

Your heart races.
Your stomach flips.
Your shoulders tense.
You feel anxious, and nothing has actually happened.

So if your imagination can create that kind of physical and emotional response from a worrying thought, imagine what might happen if you used it lovingly and intentionally.

Imagine using it to picture feeling calm.
Feeling worthy.
Feeling confident.
Feeling free.
Feeling excited about your life.

That is the power of the “best day ever” exercise. It helps you move from fear-based imagining to possibility-based imagining.

And it feels so much better.

The how is not your job

This is the part where the mind likes to get involved.

You write something beautiful and expansive, and then a little voice pipes up:

“Yeah right. How is that going to happen?”

But the how is not your job.

Your job is to decide what you want, connect with the feeling of it, and keep your focus there.

Think of it like placing an order. You don’t order something online and then immediately drive to the warehouse, pack the box, plan the route and deliver it to yourself. That would be slightly unhinged, wouldn’t it?!

You place the order.
You trust it’s on its way.
You carry on with your life.

That’s the energy we’re practising.

Not desperate checking.
Not doubting.
Not obsessing.
Not cancelling the order because it hasn’t arrived within seven minutes.

Trust.

Come back to yourself

This is your life.

Your one beautiful, messy, funny, sacred, ordinary, extraordinary life.

You can spend it watching everyone else’s movie, commenting on their choices, waiting for them to change, or wondering why they are the way they are.

Or you can come back to your own script.

You can decide what you want.
You can choose where your energy goes.
You can write your best day ever.
You can read it every day.
You can let yourself feel excited by it.
You can take the next step in front of you.

Not because everything is perfect.

Because you are worthy of living fully now.

So go and get your pen and paper.

Write the dream down.

Read it often.

Feel it.

And remember: what is meant for you cannot miss you.

If you’d love support reconnecting with yourself, building confidence and creating meaningful change, The Safe Space membership and coaching are beautiful places to begin.

At Three Little Birds I support women to move from overwhelmed, stuck and disconnected to calm, confident, clear and empowered.

I'd love to welcome you.

Have a wonderful day, my friend,

Amy

💜🤟

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